Well, my kiddo saw that one of the prizes that this guy was offering happened to be a Spongebob framed picture. She excitedly shouted while pointing to it, she wanted that "Bob-Bob" picture!
My hubby turns to me and says "Go ahead. You lost a lot of weight, you do it." Immediately, my palms start to sweat. I feel that sense of dread roll itself into a pit in my stomach. I do not want this guy, who has no problem making jokes at other people's expense, to make my weight the butt of his next joke. Pun very much intended here. I guess it comes down to this:
It doesn't matter that I'm smaller than I've ever been. I still feel like the fat girl. Losing the weight did not cure the insecurity.
I remember the first time that I joined Weight Watchers. I was in elementary school. Yep, that's right, ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. I lost a little bit of weight that year, but I still was chubby. All through school, I was never skinny. In high school and college, I used to wear baggy clothes, hoping that my body was hidden beneath my layers of clothes. In my twenties, I wore long sleeve shirts tied around my waist all day long, even in summer, to hide my big butt.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that losing weight will definitely make you healthier. You'll be proud of accomplishing your weight loss goal. You may actually feel "lighter". Walking, skipping, and playing will seem easier. HOWEVER, It will NOT cure the insecurities that you carry around even after the actual weight is gone. That takes a little more time.
If you want to lose weight, be prepared. Do not go into it thinking that you will temporarily be placing restrictions on yourself so that you can fit into that awesome bikini in the Cosmo that you read at the hairdresser's. This is a lifetime commitment. Even after you hit your goal weight, you'll still need to watch what you eat to avoid gaining the pounds back. No more funnel cakes or waffles with ice cream. No more delicious fresh squeezed lemonade on the boardwalk. No more fudge or caramel corn. Buh-bye, fluffy, sugary cotton candy.
This will be my second summer without these memory-inducing beach foods. I watch my hubby and kiddo eat these foods while I refrain. Trust me, it isn't easy. It takes lots of willpower to say no to even one bite... because we all know one bite leads to two then three then "I guess I'll start my diet back up tomorrow". I've had years of failed diets. I've spent the better part of the past two decades finding ways to hide my body. It's not fun and it perpetuates the body insecurity.
I may not be ready to have the boardwalk barker guess my weight, but I know in time I can get there. The number on the scale no longer fills me with shame. In fact, my last "weigh day" ended with a smile. I lost weight one pound at a time. I'll lose my insecurity about my weight, one bad memory at a time.
So back to the "Fool the Guesser" Game. I have him guess my age. I'm in my early thirties, but have always looked younger than my age. As I expected, he jokes around with me. He makes me promise not to beat him up if he thinks I look older than my actual age. His finger is already broken, which he claims happened when he guessed the last lady's age. Hardy-har-har.
Well, he makes his guess. He puts me in my twenties. He genuinely seems surprised when I tell him my real age. He turns to my hubby and says, "She's well preserved!" After all that, I end up fooling the guesser and my little girl gets her Spongebob picture.
Maybe embracing the good will be easier than I think. Hey, if I can pass up those vinegar-drenched boardwalk fries than surely I can banish a few insecurities, right?
***SIDE DISH:
First picture is a still from the Steve Martin movie, "The Jerk"
