A Day in the Life of A Mom

Have any of you seen this article from the Washington Post? My sister brought it to my attention. I've got to admit, it really struck a nerve with me.

I am a Stay-at-Home Mom to a toddler. If you would have told me five years ago, that I'd quit my job to raise a child, I would have laughed in your face. I was raised to be an independent, self-reliant woman. To be a contributing member of society, I believed I had to have a "9 to 5" job. I had to make my own money. I had to pay my own bills. If you hear Destiny's Child's "Independent Woman" in your head as you read this, then you get the idea!

I was wrong. Don't tell my husband that I have admitted it though!

First off, being a mom is the busiest job that I have ever had. It is non-stop. While my hubby puts in an eight hour day of work, my day is all day and occasionally all night too! My hubby gets to come home and relax, I continue doing what I do all day. If I'm sick, I'm still mom, mothers can't call out sick. If I go on vacation, I'm still mom, but at a more "exotic" locale.

Moms are caregivers, teachers, playmates, cooks, maids, nurses and so much more. And this brings me to the next misperception I once had of Stay-at-Home Mommyhood. As a parent, I AM still contributing to society. I am raising a child. Her happiness, early education, health and safety fall on my shoulders all day, every single day of the year.*

Friendships. When I first had my child, like a wave crashing in then pulling back out to sea, I noticed that my friends, even the ones who were at my baby shower and seemed so excited to welcome my little mini-me into the world, began to distance themselves. It is completely understandable though.

I don't have time to be the kind of friend that I used to be. I can't hang out till 2am anymore. I can't be over in 10 minutes. I can't have long phone conversations anymore. If I get together with a friend, my kid will be there AND I can't guarantee my undivided attention. Sorry.

And you know what? I'm ok with that. The friends that don't understand aren't worth the time that could be better spent elsewhere anyway. My bestest friend gets it. She's an extremely busy person so that probably helps too! I love her even more for embracing my role as a mom.

Anyway, for the reasons above, I really enjoyed this newspaper clipping from a 2007 edition of the Washington Post. I hope you do as well.

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TELL ME ABOUT IT ®
By Carolyn Hax
Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

*

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, ortellme@washpost.com.
***

Pretty good, huh?

All this being said, I love being a mom. It has been the most rewarding, fun experience in my 30+ years. Despite the sleep deprivation, the little amount of "me" time, the constant worrying, the hard work, IT IS SO WORTH IT! Every morning (even the ones after a puke filled night), I wake up with a smile.



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SIDE DISH:
* I think the working mommas have it twice hard as the moms at home. I did not include them in my blabbering because I cannot speak from experience. My sister has a high-stress job, a toddler and a baby on the way. She works her butt off. I have so much admiration and awe for the strong woman that she continues to be. Rock on, little sis!